This will be one long blogpost I must say.
Although it’s summer I haven’t been updating my blog more often than usual and there’s a rather good reason to why.
You see, when I first moved into my rather small apartment there was a wall facing the actual room where I sleep that I saw every morning when I woke up (beige and boring) and I always use the excuse that I’m a student and therefore can’t afford to put paintings on that wall. In an effort to save money, I decided to write my poems on papers and then tape them on to the walls in, it’s my favorite form of art so why not give it a go.
I had managed to cover two walls when my mum visited and complained that it was impossible to see what I had written because i didn’t used an ink-pen. I didn’t because it meant that I’d have to write every poem twice and there’s no way my laziness would’ve allowed for such. But in the end I gave in and started to fill the lines with a marker pen and it looked rather okay. Looked this way….
As I was taking down the poems on the other wall it suddenly hit me (really hard): why not write the poems on colored pieces of papers and then tape them to the wall randomly?! Great idea!
But then it hit me again (even harder): what do you mean randomly? why not create a great figure or a shape of the different colours?! Amazing idea!
But there are only four walls, how do I create a remarkable shape when there are several things in the way (TV, bookshelf, closet and so on). And then it hit me again (painfully hard this time): you’re still thinking of an apartment like a regular person, what if you were slightly insane? That would mean that an apartment doesn’t consist of four walls but five! The roof is also some kind of wall after all. Awesome idea! (A bit insane)
I didn’t just want my apartment to reflect what I like like but I wanted it to reflect me, I wanted it to be perhaps an extension of myself, my madness, my desires, my wishes, my fears, my ambitions, my beliefs and my story.
With this in mind I figured that I would create a waterfall but there’s nothing sensual about a waterfall and also the lamp in the roof would’ve ruined most of it, so I drew this as a sketch on a thursday morning four weeks ago.
A couple more or less holding each other, I’m not sure whether she’s comforting him, if they’re dancing together or what’s going on really, it just came to me. I thought I’d use the lamp as the females head and by doing so, solve the problem with the lamp (and that’s the reason why it’s a bit round).
I was rather content with the sketch and after a few hours pondering what colours to use I went shopping and on thursday night it looked beautiful on my desk (if I may say so).
I started working on different shapes and sizes to use and on friday morning it looked a bit worse on my desk.
Yeah I know, except for the glass of red wine in the left corner it actually looks like a five year old went off for a few hours without constraints. In the end I decided to go with the shape of a CD; easier, faster and fits about half a poem so it was satisfactory.
So I started working..
I’ll be honest, I really did try to draw the circles on a piece of paper first in order to create a wellformed heart but I failed miserably and decided to head towards the wall directly and this is sad failure that first came to me. It really is the mind of a future engineer at work, always thinking in straight (boring) lines.
I then had a visit from a middle-aged man and an elderly man, they were from Jehovahs witnesses and boy did we have a fun conversation. We discussed the meaning of life, different religious philosophers, what they said and did. We discussed art, our responsibilities towards the earth, I presented to them my meaning of life and how it goes together with my lifestyle and they were quite impressed (I was surprised). They presented me with quotes from the bible that were stimulative for a future philosopher (me). We didn’t agree much on the science part so I made sure to keep the conversation on philosophical level to avoid any unnecessary quarrels and it really wasn’t that bad. Those of you who do close the door immediately, I’d suggest you try having a conversation with them sometime, it’s quite fun 🙂
After the visit I didn’t get anything done and went to a friend of mine to celebrate summer or something.
She had gotten this lily a few days earlier from me before it bloomed and then sent me the picture when the first flower gained some courage.
Unfortunately, where I live, not many females around my age know what a white lily actually means, it is often linked to death, funerals and all sorts of miserable things and in case any of my readers doesn’t know what a white lily means and why I would give it to a dear friend. Aside from purity and virginity, a white lily means “It’s heavenly to be with you”.
I was actually a bit surprised when I first noticed that not many in my age are aware of what different flower means, nowadays it’s enough that the flower is pretty and I of course had to get to the bottom of this. So as any man pondering the greatest questions in life, I turned to dad and asked why.
His answer was rather brutal “There isn’t that kind of romance anymore”, I gasped and he continued “Especially not here. If you truly wish to live where there might be a trace of that kind of romance and passion left then I suggest you move to france or the southern part of italy. There, I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll take the time to interpret your poem or flower and not just be overjoyed by the fact that they actually got one.” and sadly dads point was about to be proven.
I went to a florist a fews days later to buy a flower for another friends birthday and asked for advice on what flower to choose, a middle-aged women, a soft voice and lovely smile. She said “No one really cares about that nowadays, colours are more important”, I wanted to shoot myself, at that point I really did feel like the alien from out of space on my Header saying “hello” to a chameleon.
I bought a pink sunflower, the meaning is alright and the flower itself is rather pleasant, don’t you agree? 🙂
you’re probably wondering “So what does the lily have to do with this?”, it reminded me of the white spider lily that looks like this
It’s beautiful, isn’t it? Anyway it got me thinking of the heart I was trying to create, not to think in perfect straight lines but curved lines and on sunday evening the heart looked like this
I was very satisfied with it. I had to sacrifice a few spots for the sake of the larger symmetry and perhaps I’ll redo it at some point in the future but for now I am satisfied.
I then began to play with the colours and came up with this at first.
You can see where I drew some lines for the colouring of the heart it felt alright at the time.
And so the work began, this is the first all-nighter.
It takes about two minutes to cut out each circle, the heart consisted of 57 circles so almost two hours later my desk looked like this.
A bunch o poems infront, a glass of juice, Regina Spektor from my speakers and a beautiful mess on my desk.
It took almost 6 minutes to write half a poem well with a markers pen because if any mistakes were made I’d have to start over. More than 5 hours (for 57 pieces) later I began to tape the poems to the wall and it slowly came to life.
I felt great having come this far, the three poems I wrote for my three best female friends were of course placed in the middle. I was very tired and was running out poems so I went back to visit my parents home and there I found these two notebooks.
The one to the left contains all the poems I’ve written since I started writing in english at the age of 17 (if I remember correctly). There are good ones, bad ones, great ones, disasters and so on. The one to the right contains the same poems but only those I was satisfied with and dared to share with others who wished to read.
I went back to my apartment and started working on the males body. I basically shape his body after the red part of the heart and I eventually found out that it’s surprisingly hard to create a head with circles at the size of a CD that is somewhat relatable to the lamp. The neck was also a failure at first, it almost looked like E.T
I tried to convince myself that is was solely because there were no colours and I hadn’t placed the arm onto him…but I was wrong.
I redid a few things the day after and it became this
Perfect? No but I could live with it, his body consists of 36 pieces so this was going to be my second all-nighter
Once again a rather beautiful mess after an hour or so.
After more than three hours of writing, an hour of taping and my arms killing me, I was done with the males body
The two gray piece are for the females arm holding him i you look at the sketch.
Shaping the female body was rather simple if you compare to the males body which took more than a day and the heart that took almost three days, her body only required 3 hours.
Her left arm was weird already but I was in hurry to the train in order to take my second rest after finishing the males body in my hometown so I failed to notice it a first.
I arrived at my apartment again just a few days ago and pulled my third all-nighter
By the way, I’d love to say that it looked like this every time I was writing
But we’re all friends here so, that was only the last night. The other nights it began like this
the poem to the left, circles to the right and a miniature of what poems to write on what colours in front.
Then it evolved to this
Not bad, right? it’s alright I guess but at the end of it all, it looked like this
and I barely knew what was what.
But to continue the story, I finished her body saturday night and I noticed that her arm was somewhat misplaced and I would’ve shared a picture of it but I was so irritated by it that I immediately switch a few things and it became this
I wanted her arm to be the way his arm was at first, extended all the way to the head, but the colours didn’t come together as I had wished so yesterday morning after I redid a few things and I was at last finished with my long project
and at night, she lights up my world 🙂
I’m very satisfied. They’re holding each other, maybe dancing waltz but best of all, they consist solely of my story, each one placed at a suitable place. This really is me naked, I’d say that it’s fairly easy for anyone to read all the poems on the wall and roof, look where they’re placed and figure out almost everything there is to know about me.
There’s a reason why I wanted the whole thing to be slightly to the left and that is because I wanted this to be my view before I fell asleep and when I woke up
The worst thing about this was working on the roof: I had to lie down on the floor between each twitch in order to judge whether or not the poems were correctly placed and even worse was having to sit still on a chair and focus for hours on end on cutting and writing. While doing this project of mine I often asked myself the questions “What in the hell are you thinking?”, “What’s the reason of all this really?”, “Are you insane?”, “You could be reading a book or studying so why this?”, “There are movies to see and poetry to read, why not do that first?” and my favorite one “This isn’t a question honestly, you really are insane!”.
But I got through it and after four weeks I finished the main shape and now I’m going back to reading and writing until I have enough poems to create a few more figures in my apartment and complete it. Perhaps a few flowers growing from the heart in blue, turquoise and green? a purple sun and a black moon with poems written with a golden pen?
We’ll see, but for now I’m done. I certainly hope this inspires someone to do something. Perhaps that’s the main reason why I did it,
one is enough to confirm that I didn’t choose to put myself naked on the walls in my apartment for nothing and enough to give me the same size of a smile as this guy => 😀
Thanks again for reading 🙂